so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
