Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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