Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
