12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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