My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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