So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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