i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
