During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
