Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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