so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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