You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
