I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
