there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
