we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
