quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
