dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
