At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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