I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
