forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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