UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
