i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need a burrito and a hug.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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