dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.