dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.