so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
