I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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