I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.