Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
