So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
