I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.