Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands