I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?