3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
