If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
