Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
