walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
