I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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