we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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