the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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