Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
