another moral hangover. fuck.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
