i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize