dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
