I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
