Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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