Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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