I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
