I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
