im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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