you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
