Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
