are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
