Your face is a jimmy john
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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