I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
