dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
