Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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