I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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