I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
