i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
