Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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