Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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