Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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