new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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