Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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