now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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