is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
