idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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