I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
