smell my finger.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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