her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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