So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
