Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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