So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
