I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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