you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
