Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
