Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
