Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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