So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
