I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
