Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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