We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you win again, gameday.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
