Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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