:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
