remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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