so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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