shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
