Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
