We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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