when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
