I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
