I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
